Daily news~~back on-line!
Hehehe, It was a week with a lot of stress.
I missed especcialy writing in this blog...
First i had such a nice friday...i met René, we hadn't see each other for 20 year..it felt like it was only some weeks ago...
He was so spontanious... and still very handsome!
We showed each other pictures from our children, and told the stories .. he is married with an Brasilian woman.
We discussed all the friends from that time, One friend from that time is death...shit happens.
Well we had a nice salat and said that we can do it sometimes again, it was totally not like a romance but it felt very comfortable..just like good friends, so it certainly will be continued!
Than saturday i went out with Jolanda..she is fun we went to some bars near her house and i could sleep at her house so i didn't have to drive an ... drink lots of beer!!hahaha
We had a nice evening! I met Raimond, a very sweet guy, but he was stil in stress from his last relation ended only 3 weeks ago... So i was the listener to all his problems all evening!
Than sunday i had some time to try to repair my PC..i had all my music and pictures safe on an extern hard disc and i was planned to clean everything and go back to start.
Then it went wrong! and after 4 hours of stress i gave up....i realized i could not do anything anymore, and need some professional help.
So it was today that i went to the store where i bought it one year ago..and i think now they keep it there for a week probably, bcs i had some other problem too, much noise from the fan.
But i was there and a very nice boy helped me, he did everything while i waited, and i was there 2 hours but took my PC back home working again!!
Then i had to go to the school from Lukas to plead for Lukas to remain on that school.
He is doing his best and is happy there, he don't understand when he should have to go to a special school. And i had some good points..finally his father is on my side too.
Well, than i went home and struggled with internet installation and more, till the man came for my central heathingsystem and he said it could be a problem caused by the wind last week, so i don't have to buy a new one yet...perhaps this one can go for another year, nobody knows.
And now my free day is almost ended, tomorrow work again.
Oh ja, on my work i talked with an collegue about painting and bcs of that i was painting again last week.
Weekly reflections
Last days walking go a lot better, finally there is some progres with my ankle!!
I have still nice massage from renata, the Brasilian fysioterapiste..and all the time i look at her and think................... a lot
hahahaahahahahaha..i don't tell what i think
~~
I was trying to find Amin since some time now and in november that idea became more strongly...i tryed it in internet but didn't succeed, then i tryed it by finding other friends from him first...and finally this week i get a friend on the phone, and yes one day later i was chatting with Amin!!!
that was great, he is married with a brasilian girl and she is pregnant from his first child...well it sounds like he is happy and thats allright than.
So it appears this way: all 3 men that were important to me in my life, are happy and living with little babies, already or very soon. And all 3 with Latin woman, what a funny coïncidence.
~~
This weekend i went to friends of us and that was so nice, we drink some wine together till the early hours and we slept over, then today i had some time with Lukas when Vincent went to hockey, we went to the centre and eat somewere and did some funshopping, and the weekend is over already.
Daily post
Well, today everything looks better again, after a terrible evening yesterday when i remembered again why i divorced that horreble egoïstic creature.
Yesterday I came home after my work, and thought that my kids were already with their father all day, he had said that he would pick-up the kids in the early morning, so before i went to the office, i gave them breakfast and told them to hurry with clothing and clean the teeth, because pappa will come soon!
Than i came home from work in the evening and i saw my neighbour she told me that my kids were gone just a few minutes before i came home.
I said you must be misstaken, they were not home all day!
She said, they were here all day, and Lukas was here for lunch...but i don't know were Vincent was all day...perhaps he was with a friend.
Then i tryed to call my ex, to ask why he wasn't here in the morning, what we agreed?
And his telephone was off... so i became angry more and more...oh i feel so powerless in such occasions.
I cryed and felt a headache coming.
Then i go to bath and hope to calm down some, but i felt down more and more...oh what a terrible life i have, is all what i could think...nothing goes right for once in my life!! So i cryed and cryed and my headache became only worce.
So after a while i tryed to eat and hoped to see a friend on-line, perhaps for some advice what i can do. I miss SP in times like this.
Then Yvon called me and ask how if i came to eat taco's with her...mexican food.
And i told her what was going on and i am not the funniest company...
but she could manage to calm me down and i went over there.
We eat the taco's and then we dicide to go to Joleen in her work. Joleen works in a nursing-home and she is..having a sort of friend living there he is her patient, he have a high transverse leasy since 3 years, its a man from about 40 he was a sportive type, boxer and stood in the middle of life when a bacterie placed him in this situation.
Now all he can do is talk and eat and for the rest he needs help...even his hands he cannot use.
We were talking with him for some time and laughed a lot...he told all his stories and even while his life is so sad, he could also find a way to have fun. He said he was glad that we came to visit hi, it was a normal evening like always and now, it was special because of us!
It was again: lachen, gieren, brullen....
And i thought then, what am i thinking, that my life is terrible? It is nothing compared to that...so i had a lesson, and also a funny night.
It started on our search to Joleen, because Yvon said i don't know on which floor she works...and we go to the 7th floor firsth... (now a coïncidence is that i worked on that floor some years ago)
It was a PG department (Psycho-Geriatric) so we go out the elevator and we saw a man standing by a rollator, and he said with absence of mind: i don't know it anymore....
i don't know it any more....
Then Yvon looked at him and she said: i don't know it also anymore!!!
and we started to laugh..it was such a funny situation, we didn't know the floor were Joleen worked...so we tryed a lot of floors, but on the 7th floor it is a closed floor, so you cannot escape when you live there....hahahah..so when Yvon was laughing so hard and repeat all the time that man, i don't know it too!!! suddenly a nurse came to us, and i said ..maybe they keep us here too!!!
Everything was so funny, then the nurse helped us out of this department...pfff
René
It is 20 years ago that i had something with René.
I had 2 short relations between my first long relation and my marriage. And the first one was René, i was so in love, i never had a friend as beautiful as him, blond, blue eyes, we were friends for some months and one night i came home and found a letter that he wrote, to say it is over.
So i was shocked because i didn't understand why, and i told myself over and over what it could be...I knew his mother didn't approve me, i wasn't the need girl she found right for her son, but then his father liked me...
I met him in the time i was busy with my move to another town because the police told me thats better, to move to a new place in a new city on a hidden place, and start all over.
So René didn't understand why i was going away from my hometown and my nice appartment, to a city 50 km away where i didn't know anybody...so i explained him the reason.
Perhaps he was affraid....i never know what was the real story why it ended. But before that he still helped me with moving all my things.
Anyway trough the years, i never really forgat him and sometimes i wondered: how it is with him? is he also married or have children, is he happy? things like that.
So i wrote him a letter after 20 years and asked it.
And what do you think....yesterday i received an e-mail from him, it was so cool!!!
He was very enthousiastic, and told me that he saw me some years ago, with my sons and husband, so he thought i was OK.
He told me that he was some years not doing well, and then he met a latin woman named Mariana, she saved him, and they married, now they have 2 daughters.
Hahaaha, almost all my ex lovers are married with latin woman, what's that? Amin is married with a Brasilian, and Steffen with a Paraquaian...
(This is also funny: tomorrow, i have a Brasilian fysiotherapist named Renata)
Now René said all the things he remembered, and he was very nice to say that he would like to meet me for lunch and we can talk about everything.
Then today he wrote me again, and send me a scan from a drowing i made for him then, that i gave on his birthday.
That was nice, he still kept this!
Well, i don't want to get him back or anything like that, i think it's great that he is happy, and i look forward to this lunch although i am a little bit nervous about it too.
Josina
I told the story now to 3 people the last time...so i had to write it also.
Josina is my youngest sister, she is now 42 years old, when she lives...i don't know that at this moment.
Well, the real drama began much earlyer, but at one day there was happened some drama, and this is it:
My sister was 14 when she was sent away out of the house from my mother and her husband, like me a half year before, the only difference was i was going in a room on my own and she went to a childrenshome.
When she lived there, she met a girlfriend from 15 and together they go to the coffieshops and tryed out drugs. First she had soft drugs but at one time i found out that she also used harddrugs, when i found it out it was already too late, i guess also that she was a rebel and she did what she want...never like to listen to me...i was her older and oldfashioned sister she said always.
Then sometimes she came to me in my room and then she went away for a half year and i didn't know where she lived.
It was a terrible time.
One day again she came to me after one and a half year, and she said that she was married and carried a child. Her husband was an Englishman with tattoos and long hair, and he was a biker only without a bike...lol
She promised me to stop with the heroin and i helped them with a house and more stuff, like baby clothes.
Then she had a happy time, we went together to the hospital on regulair base, to check if she was still clean.
And we were so proud together then, everything looked so good for her and i was also happy then.
Then the baby was born, it was a girl named Gloria.
Sometimes i could have her for an evening ar so when my sister wants to go out, it was nice...
( I didn't have kids then, i was 22 or so)
Later my sister moved away to an other house in an area far from me, so i couldn't not go to her so often as before and later i heard that she often went to bars with loud music with her child.
And one moment i discovered also that she used drugs again as well, although she always denied it.
I didn't like her husband too much because i always thought that he used drugs too, and i thought he was a treath for my sister and Gloria.
I didn't have very much controle over her that time, also because she refused it, she always said that family you cannot choose and for her it wasn't neccesary to have contact with me and our mother or father.
But sometimes i went to her anyway, or i brought her to my mother with Gloria.
One day Josine had a divorce from Jess the Englishman, and she met a nice man...he looked better and had a nice appartment, josine and Gloria moved in with him, i went there also for dinner one time...and i thought well ok, she finally have a nice life.
When Gloria was almost 2 years, that was right in a time i was in some trouble myself (but that is another story) she came to my house and she was crying and shoutin Gloria is death!!!!
I couldn't believe what she said...so i asked what do you say? And she repeat it, also Jess the father of Gloria was there with her, also crying so i had to believe it was the truth.
So i asked how is that happened? And my sister shout to me all the time that isn't important ...why and how... she is death and thats it...
And then she went away shouting all the time....
I waited some minutes and i didn't know what to do, then i went to my mothers house.
When i came there my mother was also crying and i heard that Josine was already left and they heard the terrible news just like i did.
Well, it was a real drama.
Later i heard from the police what was happened, josine was under influence of heroin, in that appartment with that *nice* man, he was a drugs user.
Josine told it to me once, and she was laughin with it...Jess wasn't a hard drugs user, you always thought wrong!!! hahahah, but he ..(i don't want to remember that mans name) like to use it just like me!!!
So when they had used, and didn't know whats happening in the world anymore, Gloria took the dog and went outside for a walk....
Later when my sister was awake and could not find Gloria she call finally the police, and divers from the fire department found her finally in the water.
This man were she lived with commited suicide not long after that.
My sister is still a junky.
I didn't see her for many years till my father dieth almost 13 years ago, then i tryed to find her and it worked. She is a real heroin prostitute. She came to the funeral and to my house and she used herion on my toilet i believe.
So then my husband said i don't want her in my house anymore, and i could understand that, we had also vincent at that time he was almost 2 years old then.
But after the funeral she had promised to come to me next monday so we could go to the notary together, and she never came...there is still money on the bank from my father, as this moment.
She didn't come, and i didn't go to her anymore ....
Then last year when i was in the policeacademy...i told it one time to our teacher when we had a chat outside in our lunchbreak, and she offered me to find out if she is still alive because these things go through my mind now and then.
So i gave her all details and a half hour later i heard that Josine is still alive, and still an heroin junky, the police had contact with her only one day ago, and i also got her adres.
But i didn't go to her.
~~~~~~~~~~
This is the reason that the song Gloria from U2 always makes my heart beat harder
Daily news
Today i went to the fysiotherapist again after i had to take the tape away on januari 1th.
He looked at it and it was still to thick and too warm, so he said I tape it again.
Also i had a bacterie on my feet from the tape, so i am not too happy, I have to go in bath instead of the shower with plastic so it cannot get wet. And it still hurts after all this time.
But i am going to work again tomorrow. I will do less walking and so, more on patrouille with a car, things like that.
When i was in the doctors place i met a woman, she was my colleague when i worked in a home for disabled persons as a nurse. That was nice, i liked her, she supported me when i was in this time starting with the divorce..and when i couldn't get a contract with enough hours i had to look outside for a new job, and when i found my current job, she was also nice to tell me thats something for you, you can do that etc. while a lot of others from healthcare were less positive... f.e. docBee!!!
So we talked some about that place, and it took me back in time with all the clients there....
when i think about them, then my ankle isn´t not so terrible, it will be over soon.
Today i heard my SP...he said: he thinks he is happy, so that makes me happy too...
I think???
Happy newyear!!!
On the first day of this new year, i have some good intentions:
The first and most important one is not to cry anylonger ( but i broke it already last night, hahaaha, but Ok, that was perhaps because of all the champagne i drunk, alcohol make me more emotional)
I have good feelings about not crying, because of the motto from my womansclub:2007 will be the year of laugh more, make more fun with girls and have a better time than with a man.
(thats btw. not meaning that we are lesbians..haahhaa)
The second good intention is to eat less, i did a sort of eating therapy, last 2 months..and it became more and more eating when i was at home with my ankle....and also the teaparties with Yvon and Joleen are not very good for my figure...a lot of nice eatable things are passing by on such occasions...
The thirt good intention have to do also with the 2nd:
Sport is on a very low level right now...like zero...so i want to do that again and also go for a bicycle trip again, i don't do anything anymore for 2 months....but i have to wait with my aerobics some longer...and my bad knee is worce since it take a lot over from my other legs ankle, so i have to be carefull also with bicycle...but i cannot wait till i can take up everything again...
And i don't need a 4th good intention to be less naief, i guess i learned another lesson...again.
It hurts me so much again.
