Daily post
Yesterday we heard a hard bang and after that we heard someone screaming out side the office when we were having dinner.
So we run to the window and there was a man laying on the street .. it was a man with a bycicle and he was hit by a car. Renata and I run to downstairs to see if we can help and call the ambulance.
Then we were there the man lost a lot of blood out of his head, he was throw forward by that car about 6 meter and the car who did it was not there anymore...people said that car was also riding very hard and didn't stop it hit also another car and than just ride away.
Nobody saw the licenceplate!!
It's just so unbelieveble that there are people like that.
The man could also be death...
I hope that the person that was driving the red VW Golf with blue paint on the right sight will be found, but also the police said probably he will not be found anymore, it's like a needle in a hay-stack.
Now after a while the ambulance came and the man stayed good i talked to him and ask him some questions to see if he was still alert, and he stayed very alert all the time so the blood let it look worce that it was i suppose...
He was not as bad as the Chinese man that was hit 3 days ago, that man was not moving anymore and had probably a broken back or neck. (yes it was the 3th time this week, that a car hit a bycicle)
When i came home i called SP and we had the greatest conversation, it felt very good *smile*
Der Baufritze - Dein bester Freund
"Dein bester Freund "
Solltest Du Dich einsam fühlen,
verlassen und ganz allein,
solltest Du Hilfe brauchen,
würde gern für Dich da sein.
Sollte Dir an Liebe fehlen,
solltest Du Dich langweilen,
brauchst Du einen zum Reden,
würde mich zu Dir eilen.
Solltest Du eine Schulter brauchen,
um Dich einfach auszuweinen,
brauchst Du etwas Aufmunterung,
ruf mich, ich werde erscheinen.
Der Baufritze
Silly
And again one more time in my life, I have to admit that now, I am pushed with my nose on the facts. (don't know if anybody understand that, it's a dutch expression) (met je neus op de feiten worden gedrukt)
But ok, a surgeon from Massachussets said it already to me a long time ago: I am silly...and I have to admit it, that he was true.
In my grief I am going by on some things that are really important in life. And I hate that.
Today a friend was saying that it was deadrememberence day. (never heard it before, we don't have this Catholic ritualday in the Netherlands)
And I didn't react on that information...
Now I feel so quilty because after a while I remember: Oh yes, his father died earlyer this year...
He was still so nice as always, feign not to known anything.
Me, stupid ox... I will continue to read in "Towards a Rogue Reality~~ Kant to Freud, and beyond" from S.P. Fullinwider (hahahah SP!) I've got, perhaps that will help me a little to find some answers....
Weekly reflections
Last friday was day to forget quickly, or one to remember.
I hard much desire to that day because i should work wit 2 colleaguas that i appreciate a lot,
because they work hard and serious like i do.
but they have also a difficult time like me because of that attitude....
Now we took a car and friday is a day that we always tank so we go to the shell station at first.
We were talking and talking, my colleague was tanking and i stood there next to her, and talked all the time ( so i think now its also my fault).
Then we drove away and after a while the car did funny... and finally it stopt in front of a stoplight.
Then i saw the movie reverse in my mind, and i see her tank diesel, but we have a benzine car we need to tank euro95
So then we need to empty the tank an for that the car must be picked up by the toyota dealer, so all morning was gone with that.
We had to pick up the car later then when everything was ok, then our chef asked if we can also take another car from another place, thats a volkswagentransporter.
So we went there, firsth we pick up the Toyota and we said lets pick up the volkwagen now.
I said where to go and we go there, but when we arrived there it appeared that there are 3 places where it could be, and we where at the wrong place...
So we called the office and we had to drive almost back to the place were we were before, close to the Toyota dealer...
We felt so terrible at that time...but we went then to the right place and picked up the volkswagen transporter.
I drove in it and when i drive away a man called me and said that the breaklight didn't work.
So i though now we are still here so i better go back and let it repair now, so i went back to the garage and told the man that helped us before.
He repaired it immediately and it took a half hour.
Then finally we went back to the office but we came into the file, stau, or row....(in the Netherlands we say file)
And for the 6th time that day we drove through the Maastunnel...the working day was already over so quickly we parced all the 3 cars into the garage and we went home.
What a day!
But i have 2 days free, hmmmmm
Saturday i had an invitation from my girlfriend Linda, she celebrate her birthday on a boat, a moonlightcruise.
We go there with 8 woman, also her daughter and a friend came along.
The food was ok, but the music was terrible...and then are 5 hours very long!
We came on the boat at 7 o'clock and had to stay there till midnight.
But at 10 o'clock i was thinking: another 2 hours to go!
It was a typical dutch singer, a middleage fat man: beer belly, and he sang typical "volks" songs.
But we couldn't escape or we had to swim ashore....;)
Daily post
Today I tryed to phone Sonja, and yes she was home!
We had talked and it was great, we will meet next week when we are both free at the same day.
She was, ending her relation after 15 year, also last year, like I did.
And she said: I was looking to the pictures from India just the last days, what a nice coïncidence that Gaby and I met in ICQ, otherwise Sonja and I probably didn't see each other, somethings go as they have to.
So now we also will make an meeting with the 3 of us, than I will meet Gaby for the first time.
The funny thing is that Gaby scanned and send me a postcard that was sended from India to her. Sonja wrote that when I was there with her, and I didn't know Gaby yet at that time.
To be continued....
Daily post
Today are the elections in the Netherlands, it is very difficult for me this year, normally i am more sure of what i vote for. But finally i made my choice, it was between the Partij van de Arbeid or the Socialistische Partij both are leftside parties. I am never right in my life...lol
Then there was something funny this morning, i am chatting with a woman for a few months now, she comes from the Netherlands but is married with a German man and lives in Germany for 15 years.
We were chatting this morning again, and from one thing to another subject. Then she said that she tryed to work in Kuwait when she was 24, but it didn't happen.
And i said i was in Kuwait once.
I was there only for a stop, when i travelled to India, i was flying with Kuwait airways.
Then she said something about the gulfwar, and i said i was there 1 year before the gulfwar...in 1989
Then she asked me...was that with Sonja?
I read it over and blinkt with my eyes... and said yes....
Do you know Sonja too?
It was really so strange
Then we talked and we found out that it was the same girl she knew her from a trip to St. Johan in Austria, they met in the bus and became friends.
But now she lost also contact with Sonja, as me.
So we decided to find her both.
Than SP came to say hello and my free day started just fine....
Rob's ghost
In the office is a ghost.
We think it is Rob, our colleague that died last year on the staff party.
He was doing it last year in the period after he died, and now he is doing it again...
We hear doors rattle, we feel sometimes that someone walk behind you and when you look there is nobody...
And lights go on and off.
I think he have some unfinished bussiness...
On the party, when they where busy with the reanimation and we all were so affraid, i heard one colleague saying that it was his fault, he looked like a ghost himself.
The voice inside me was saying it have to do with drugs.
And i felt terrible with that information, then i didn't know what i have to do. After some thinking i told the supervisor we had than. I told him what i heard and i was in a dilemma, but i didn't want to wait to long because he would be cremated, and than nobody can find anything anymore.
So he promissed me to check it out, and after one day he said the cause of death was hearthfaillure.
But now that he is still here in the office, i think there are things he still wanted to come to the surface.
I am not affraid, i came forward with the information, but yesterday i thought: ok Rob let me know what it is you want to tell...
Abschied (Eichendorff) - Wikisource
Abschied (Eichendorff) - Wikisource: "Abschied
O Täler weit, o Höhen,
O schöner grüner Wald,
Du meiner Lust und Wehen
Andächt'ger Aufenthalt!
Da draußen, stets betrogen,
Saus't die geschäft'ge Welt,
Schlag' noch einmal die Bogen
Um mich, du grünes Zelt!
Wenn es beginnt zu tagen,
Die Erde dampft und blinkt,
Die Vögel lustig schlagen,
Daß dir dein Herz erklingt:
Da mag vergehn, verwehen
Das trübe Erdenleid,
Da sollst du auferstehen,
In junger Herrlichkeit!
Da steht im Wald geschrieben,
Ein stilles, ernstes Wort
Von rechtem Tun und Lieben,
Und was des Menschen Hort.
Ich habe treu gelesen
Die Worte schlicht und wahr,
Und durch mein ganzes Wesen
Ward's unaussprechlich klar.
Bald werd' ich dich verlassen,
Fremd in der Fremde geh'n,
Auf buntbewegten Gassen
Des Lebens Schauspiel sehn;
Und mitten in dem Leben
Wird deines Ernst's Gewalt
Mich Einsamen erheben,
So wird mein Herz nicht alt"
I have to give up...
I have to give up this fight.
I cannot compeet with her...
She must be much younger than me...
She must be more beautiful than me...
Your family must like her so much more than me...
I aways thought you are a warm person,
I saw something in your eyes,
I heard something in your voice,
I thought there was love between us, i could feel it..
I don't understand anything of it,
It is causing me so much pain...
I want to fight for you,
But it seems like a hopeless fight.
I need to think about my children...
I am not a good mother this way.
This is killing me inside,
That's why i have to give up the fight.
oh you
You make me crazy, you are sweet and thoughtfull, you told me that you re going to get your bride from Paraquai, and you told me that you don't love her...
At the same time you don't leave me alone...
What are you doing to me?
I am gong to some rough times...not only because of you, also about Lukas, he have such a difficult time that breaks my heart.
It is not easy my life, his life and also your life isn't easy. I know and realize that too.
But i can't let you go, just like that, and you don't let me go just like that, i know.
Are you having second thoughts? I'm not sure about you anymore....
It is not to tell, whats going on in your mind...i asked you and you didn't answer me...are you still think it over or what?
Everybody give the advice to let you go...don't answer you anymore.
On my work, some supervisors ask me what is wrong with you, you are so quiet?
Than i say:i have a headache.
But closer girlfriends say: "it is to see, you are in pain. You look so sad. And thats why you need to stop this. He is really stupid, when he think he need to get a wife from Paraquai...a wife he don't love...he is really pathetic.
And he is not hounest to you as well, he is keeping you on a lease...
And he is not worth it!"
But i think you are worth it, i love you, i have to try everything...perhaps i can stop you to make this misstake. And thats all what count for me...to make you happy.
I don't want to be old and almost dying and look back, and say: i didn't try this or that...
Bcs you are worth it all sweety pie
I want to ask you so many things, there are so many things i like to do with you, still....
I want to share my life with you, i need you on my side.
Why don't you?
I asked you something and you didn't aswer me yet.
Why? Is it so hard for you?
Tell me sweety pie...
Why are you resisting it so hard, what is it?
I cannot chance who i am , what i am, how old i am,
but i can love you.
Und auf einmal steht es neben Dir~~ Joachim Ringelnatz
Und auf einmal steht es neben Dir
Und auf einmal merkst du äußerlich:
Wieviel Kummer zu Dir kam,
Wieviel Freundschaft leise von Dir wich,
Alles Lachen von Dir nahm.
Fragst verwundert in die Tage
Doch die Tage hallen leer.
Dann verkümmert deine Klage...
Du fragst niemanden mehr.
Lernst es endlich, Dich zu fügen,
Von den Sorgen gezähmt.
Willst Dich selber nicht belügen
Und erstickst es, was dich grämt.
Sinnlos, arm erscheint das Leben Dir,
Längst zu lang ausgedehnt. — —
Und auf einmal — —: Steht es neben Dir,
An Dich angelehnt — —
Was?
Das, was Du so lang ersehnt.
Von „
http://de.wikisource.org/wiki/Und_auf_einmal_steht_es_neben_dir“
