december....reflections
This month is happened so many things and it let me think a lot about many things...i had so much time and also so little time...hahaha
It was a month with many tears...
of lost love
and a month with a lot of joy...
of friendships and warm people
a month of many old things...
Sonja came, and my oldest sister Joke came to visit me (for the 2nd time in her life) more lost friends and relatives that came into my life again, like Carolina, Marja, René.
Then friends in trouble, and i was here and had time to be there for them and be a good listener...
The womans club....Joleen, Yvon and I....that is worth so much.. that is so positive, we can discuss everything and we all think it is very positive and precious, because it is so constructive!
And also in these evenings we have a lot of fun, it is so good for our laughmusscles!!!
Also sometimes get back in time with flashbacks...
I re-lived all that happened 21 years ago again....and all the time before and after the horrornight.
The friendships i lost because i told them about that psychopath, and the life i had with him.
Joleen and Yvon said to write a book of my life...lol...i thought that also, so perhaps when i am again at home for such a long time...
This month with my teared ankle tie, and that cold, i had so many people that came to me for help that i didn't have time to write such a novel!
The time went by so soon...sometimes people asked me if the walls were coming to me, but except for the pain, i enjoyed it very much...i could rest a lot, i was here with my childeren a lot, and i had a lot of attention, so whats worth more than that?
I call it luck along with an accident.
SP, you are coming home tomorrow...i didn't hear your voice for 4 weeks...i am so curious how everything is with you, but will you call me like before with your reliable voice and say: Hi? ... wie gehts mit Du?
Well i am glad to know that you're sound and safe back, thats all i want to know for a good ending of december.
Daily post
Yesterday, finally Sonja and I meet, and it was great! She came here and I had made indian curry with rice and chicken for the occasian.
Some people asked me: did you call Sonja not to come and make a new appointment, because of my ankle...and i said: Are you kidding? No way!!!
So she came and it was like the time has stopped all these years.
We had so much fun and told all our stories, and we made all kind of plans.....
We even want to go to India again, but when that'll be..I don't know yet, but the plan to go to Gaby is to realize soon, probably in januari.
We had a chat with Gaby and that was also very nice, I found out that Sonja was still the same crazy girl and she deleted some people from my contactlist, hahaaha!!!
Her story was also unbelieveble..her boyfriend was away suddenly after a relation from 15 year, one night he was not coming home and lived with a Russian pole dancer and she was pregnant after one month. Now you have to understand this boyfriend was always so conservative nobody thought that something like that was possible but it happened.
Daily post
Today i woke up on 11 o clock in the morning.
I was glad that my leg didn't hurt so much anymore...i remembered the time before, in the night.
I was having so much pain and i could not walk to the toilet, but i must go quickly, my belly was giving me some problems. I felt that i was going down, saw stars. I don't know how i did it but somehow i did it, and then, when i made it to the bathroom i also could manage to take two paracetamols against the pain and i then i had to try to go back to the sleepingroom.
Oh what a nightmare can somebody have.
Then i was finally in my bed, and i was waiting for the painkillers to help me, and i cryed, i felt so much selfpity!!!
Well then i finally slept some and i woke up at 11, because my kids would be coming home from a weekend with their father.
My phone ringed then also and i thought: Steffen!
I toke it and it was my neighbour Monika, asking how are you doing?
I said Ok, now but i will call the doctor, because this is not good, i didn't go to the doctor yet because i thought it is only sprained, and i know what they will say than: cool it and rest..with your leg up.
So i didn't think i had to go to the doctor, but now after this terrible night i thought perhaps it is better to go, maybe there is something broken after all.
So i called to the docor and i could come to the hospital to make some x-rays.
And Monika went with me, I could not drive. Yvon also called to ask how i was doing and she come on monday to do some shopping for me.
My neighbours invited me to stay over for dinner, and when they heard that i wanted to buy a x-mas tree this weekend and make my house nice for the boys..but now with this accident it cannot happen, they said: we have an extra tree on the attick!
So now i am here sitting in my room next to a x-mas tree, my kids and I made the house nice and everything looks cosy.
My legg isn't broke but i have to go on crutches, i don't walk on it at least 5 days, and when it isn't feeling good than my doctor will have to tape it in.
And i have some heavy painkillers so this night i will sleep like rose.....
Daily post
Yesterday was an exceptional day again...
I came at the office and heard that 2 colleagues of me are in a prisoncell from the police.
They had been into a fight when a man was angry to an other colleague, and they were trying to stop that.
It escalated and then that an was hurt by the handterminal on his head.
So we were waiting for news about them ..the officer had to look at some tapes from a bank bcs, it was just outside of a bank.
The 2 colleagues had told a different story about what happened, so it is important to find out the truth.
But when we all were talking and waiting about the news...
Some people were very emotional and a lot of anger came out, then suddenly i had a conversation from about 2 hours..(with one break when there was a telephone call from the police that the colleagues had to stay another night) with our regiomanager, that was so nice, it felt really great to talk with him, it is a really nice person, a good listener and he gave me some good advice and things to think about.
Since he came working with us some months ago, i feel that a different wind is blowing but it is still a lot of work to do to get a healthy situation.
After our conversation he went to a wife of one of the colleagues that is in castidy, bcs she was getting depressed about it.
I really had that idea longer but now i have to admid he is a really special person.
So i hope he stay a little longer till the organisation is better, and not go away as i heard in the rumours.
But anyway the truth can be painfull sometimes, it made me think that that can also happening someday...not come home to my boys after my work, bcs i am in a cell after i defend myself.
Weekly reflections
The helptroops came for me december 1th, first there was Yvon in the morning to see if i was allright. Then we drink some coffee and she invited me for lunch to come to her house.
Later in the night she and Joleen came to me again and we had a teaparty and it was because of them that a had some laughter in stead of sniffing all day.
I will never forget what they did for me, thats what frienship is all about.
Saturday december 2nd, i went with a group of friends to the Crazy Piano's, that was a nice bar were they play life music.
Sinterklaas gave a bag filled with presents on december 5th, and the kids were very content with everything they received.
Last night i had it again so bad, i miss you so much...at the time i thought i don't want to know what date you're going to marry, but now i regret that...because i think all the time is it happened yet?
Oh what the hell.
Than under influence of some wine, i send you an SMS yesterdaynight, i'm sorry... didn't want to do such things.
Oh sweety pie, i really hope you find the happiness you're searching overthere in Paraquai, than at least one of us will be happy.
Going to wrestle myself trought the coming 3 lateshifts again, and a weekend without my kids.
December
And yet another cold december...
How will i come through this horreble month?
Your birthday...and all the other celebrations are in it.
Oh januari, please come quickly!
I thought earlyer this year,
this december would be warm.
But that was only a dream.
There is not your arm...
you are not here,
to caress
me
